“[The Orthodox Caucus] made a similar effort in 2004. Sadly, nothing has changed.”
That was the opening sentence of a letter we received at Kol Echad. The writer was referring to an initiative led by our very own Rabbi Dr. Josh Joseph to raise awareness about the challenges of singlehood in the Orthodox community. The Caucus published an insightful magazine filled with sage advice for single men and women and highlighted the many ways the broader community could step up and do more to make singles feel welcome in Orthodox spaces. While I understand the writer’s frustration and the feeling that nothing has changed, I beg to differ.
On the very day I opened this email, I noticed an ad in a newspaper that read:
Winter Vacation Checklist:
- Pack a warm coat, scarf, and gloves.
- Confirm activity bookings and itinerary.
- Make sure your regular Shabbos guest has an invitation while you’re away.
Spend a few minutes on Instagram before any Jewish holiday and you’re likely to encounter posts from Tzipora Grodko or the “Jewish Meme Queen,” reminding people to invite single men and women for Yom Tov meals, along with practical tips on how to be a better host. You might also come across the thoughtful posts of an anonymous single man writing under the handle Make Room at the Table. People are talking – and more importantly, judging by the number of likes and shares these posts receive, people are listening.
Over the past year, I’ve had the privilege of speaking with the leadership of dozens of shuls about what they can do to be more inclusive. Every one of those conversations ended with concrete commitments to change. Some rabbis asked their offices to compile a list of single members in the shul – not an earth-shattering step, but an important one. Others instituted systems to ensure more people receive Shabbos and Yom Tov invitations. Still others adjusted their membership pricing to better reflect the diversity of their community, creating new price points for singles and clearly conveying the message that everyone belongs. One shul even appointed a dedicated volunteer to oversee programming for this population and to ensure that existing programs were genuinely inclusive.
YU Connects, in partnership with Kol Echad, has just launched its second cohort of shadchan training, ensuring that those involved in making matches are equipped with the appropriate skills and sensitivities. In several cities, community-funded organizations have been established to help facilitate shidduch dating.
Are we there yet? Most definitely not.
There is still much work to be done, but it is clear that the needle is moving in the right direction.
In this issue, among other articles, you’ll find thoughtful reflections from Yoni Z, a popular artist who shares his personal journey through singlehood; an op-ed by the author of Unmatched, describing the religious challenges she has faced as a single woman; and a roadmap for moving the needle even further, written in 2017 by Rabbi Moshe Hauer zt”l.
Vincent van Gogh once said, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” Each of us has a role to play in ensuring that our communities are welcoming to every member – and that every single person feels that they truly belong.
I hope you enjoy reading this issue, and I hope you find your own small way to make a difference.
Rabbi Yisrael Motzen
Director, Kol Echad
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