{"id":59179,"date":"2026-07-07T16:34:48","date_gmt":"2026-07-07T16:34:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/?p=59179"},"modified":"2026-07-16T15:24:18","modified_gmt":"2026-07-16T15:24:18","slug":"middot-modification","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/middot-modification\/","title":{"rendered":"Middot Modification"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Naaleh_logo\"<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/em>Shiur\u00a0provided\u00a0courtesy\u00a0of\u00a0<\/em>Naaleh.com<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein<\/span><\/p>\n

Why was the Beit Hamikdosh destroyed? The Gemara tells us that the first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because Bnei Yisroel transgressed the three cardinal sins. However, the Second Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because of sinat chinam.\u00a0 The Gemara gives as an example of that era the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here is a synopsis of the incident involving Kamtza and Bar Kamtza.. A certain man was friends with Kamtza and enemies with Bar Kamtza. Sending out invitations to a feast, his messengers mistakenly delivered the invitation to Bar Kamtza instead of to Kamtza. When Bar Kamtza arrived at the feast, the host, in the presence of all the rabbis, guests and important personages, demanded that Bar Kamtza leave, accepting no offers, even of paying for the entire feast, to allow him to stay and avoid humiliation. This public embarrassment so enraged Bar Kamtza that he went to the ruling authorities in Rome to bring charges of treason against Bnei Yisroel, ultimately leading to the destruction of the Beit Hamikdosh.<\/span><\/p>\n

How careful we must be with our actions! What may seem a small transgression can have ripple effects that are totally devastating, cautions\u00a0Chochmat Hamatzpun<\/i>. This is a cautionary tale meant to prompt us to work on our\u00a0middos<\/i>, our character, for, if we are not mindful, the negative character trait will easily grow within us.<\/span><\/p>\n

In\u00a0From Ruins to Redemption<\/i>, Rabbi Bernstein asks an obvious but usually overlooked question. Why is this incident identified with Kamtza when he was not present at the feast at all?<\/span><\/p>\n

By examining the characters and exploring each one\u2019s role in this tragic episode, we can learn some lessons for our own lives.<\/span><\/p>\n

Beginning with Bar Kamtza, we can all agree that he had been publicly humiliated<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0and undoubtedly angry. However, Rabbi Kofman zt\u2019l suggests, a moment of reflection could have brought some insight into why Hashem had put him into this embarrassing position, what did Hashem want him to learn and work on. Could Hashem want him to learn to be be less self righteous and arrogant, to learn\u00a0<\/span>\u05dc\u05d5\u05d5\u05ea\u05e8<\/span>, to yield to another? Had he remembered that all comes from Hashem, he would not have vented his anger on all of Bnei Yisroel. [Unfortunately, some of our worst enemies come from our own ranks. CKS] And, obviously, the host should have controlled his anger, been less stubborn in the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Kofman cites Tanach. When King David was fleeing from Absalom, Shimi ben Gera, a relative of King Saul, cursed the King, a sin and crime punishable by death. Yet David, in order to prevent further civil war, told his men not to harm Shimi, for it was Hashem\u2019s will that Shimi curse him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Kofman cites Rabbi Zembe hy\u201dd in interpreting\u00a0Tehillim<\/i>\u00a01:6: \u201cHashem knows the path of the righteous, while the way of the wicked will perish.\u201d In Biblical Hebrew, \u201cknowing\u201d always refers to intimate knowledge and connection. Rabbi Kofman quotes an idea that the verse as saying that the righteous know Hashem and connect to Him whether the path is easy or not. Therefore they seek out Hashem\u2019s message and do teshuvah to reconnect with him. In contrast, the wicked see no reason in negative experiences. Therefore, they are lost in those situations.<\/span><\/p>\n

Each of us is at times put in situations which challenge us emotionally. The Three Weeks is a time we are called upon to control our emotions during those trying times, and build character in the process. It is a time for introspection and\u00a0middot<\/i>\u00a0modification.<\/span><\/p>\n

This begins with an\u00a0emunah<\/i>\u00a0filled life. When we realize that there is a purpose not only to the world as a whole, but to myself as an individual, we will begin to notice a pattern in seemingly random events, in meeting different people, and how they are all slowly moving us in a direction toward perfection. We often do not recognize the pattern because we are still in the middle of the story.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most people, Jews and non Jews alike, are very sensitive to any attack on their honor, real or imaginary. Rabbi Shmulevitz zt\u2019l points us to the evil Haman. It was his perceived slight to his honor that precipitated his plan to annihilate all the Jews and ultimately brought about his downfall. Haman himself confessed he had everything, riches, prestige, yet that one slight, that Mordechai would not bow down to him, outweighed everything. He himself says it, and within his own words, we see Hashem\u2019s guiding hand to his eventual downfall: \u201c<\/span>\u05d5\u05db\u05dc \u05d6\u05d4<\/u><\/b>\u00a0\u05d0\u05d9\u05e0\u05e0\u05d5<\/u><\/b>\u00a0\u05e9\u05d5\u05d5\u05d4<\/u><\/b>\u00a0\u05dc\u05d9<\/u><\/b><\/span>\u2026\u201d In the final letters, we recognize Hashem\u2019s Name encrypted backwards.<\/span><\/p>\n

The desire for honor, unless reined in, can be limitless. We are commanded to eschew honor for ourselves, but to be careful to protect the honor of others, to validate them and compliment them, call them by their name. [Hashem honors even the stars, calling each by its name. (Tehillim<\/i>\u00a0147:4) CKS] Rabbi Shmulevitz urges us to find the unique quality within the other, for that is the only way we can truly honor them.<\/span><\/p>\n

In\u00a0Chazon Lamoed<\/i>, Rabbi Shapiro asks how the rabbis in attendance were at fault; according to the letter of the law, they committed no sin. Nevertheless, they witnessed the event. Pure logic would inform them that the host was acting inappropriately. They should have intervened. Perhaps they could have affected the host\u2019s behavior. But they did not want to get involved; they did not want to know. They ignored a major underlying precept of the Torah: \u201cThat which is hateful to you, do not do [or allow to be done] to your friend.\u201d It is for this kind of choosing not to know, that we ask forgiveness on Yom Kippur, \u201c…For the sins we have sinned before You without knowing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Bernstein points out that the Gemara records Bar Kamtza as saying, \u201c…the rabbis were sitting there and did not protest. It is evident that they approved. I will go and slander them to the king.\u201d Bar Kamtza was motivated more by the inaction of the rabbis than by his initial humiliation by the host! How could that situation develop?<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Bernstein suggests that the social atmosphere of the time may have been a direct contributor to the events. During the era of the Second Beit Hamikdosh, many differing sects arose within the Jewish community. It is possible that Bar Kamtza belonged to one of these sects whose ideology was antithetical to traditional Torah. His ideology was in conflict with the rabbis in many ways, perhaps including the centrality of the Beit Hamikdosh. Perhaps the rabbis were silent because they could not defend someone whose views were so antithetical to their own. Perhaps they considered him \u201cnot one of us.\u201d But he was still a Jew, and they should not have allowed his humiliation.<\/span><\/p>\n

By noting the configuration of a set of Tefillin, one can perhaps get a greater insight into different dynamics in force here. The Gemara states that just as we wear tefillin, so does Hashem wear Tefillin. Our Tefillin focus on Hashem, while His Tefillin focus on us. Rabbi Bernstein, citing the\u00a0Meshech Chochma,\u00a0<\/i>notes that the head Tefillin is written on four separate parchments, each in its individual compartment, while the arm Tefillin, worn on the arm near the heart is written on one parchment in a single compartment. This suggests that while Hashem judges us individually according to our merit, he loves us all equally.<\/span><\/p>\n

Similarly, we may not accept the ideas of every Jew and distance ourselves from those particular beliefs, but we must still love every Jew equally. Perhaps waiting to don Tefillin until the afternoon on Tisha B\u2019Av gives us time to reflect on this message. We may disagree, but we must continue to respect each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

Each of us has distinctive talents and unique paths to serve Hashem. While it is important that we each follow our own path, it is equally important that we recognize and respect the path of others. That was the lesson Yaakov Avinu was teaching his sons when he gathered them all together to bless them before he died. Yaakov Avinu wanted them to hear the unique quality each brother had, different from his own, and respect that difference. Even when someone\u2019s path is antithetical to Torah [he may actually be \u201coff the derech\u201d], and we distance ourselves from his view, we must still remember that he is our brother and continue to love him.<\/span><\/p>\n

We are familiar with Yirmiyahu\u2019s prophecy of foxes coming out of the Holy of Holies and of Rabbi Akiva witnessing its fulfillment. Rabbi Bernstein brings us the novel interpretation of Rabbi Ettlinger zt\u2019l in Aruch L\u2019ner. The fox represents the\u00a0sinas chinom<\/i>\u00a0that caused the destruction of the Beis Hamikdosh. This unreasonable hatred is sly like a fox. It can begin in sentiments of sanctity, grow into destructive \u201cholier than thou,\u201d until it completes its mission and devours the entire structure.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is Kamtza considered part of this episode? Let us return to both names in this episode. Strictly from the words themselves, it would appear that Bar Kamtza is the bar\/son of Kamtza. While father and host are good friends, the son and the host are enemies. Why did Kamtza never try to repair the relationship between his friend and his son? Had Kamtza tried to make peace between them, the humiliating event might never have happened. That is why his name is identified with the dispute.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is not enough to personally not hate another Jew; it is equally important to foster peace between people, to counteract words of\u00a0loshon horo<\/i>\u00a0with evidence of good. We must create a climate for\u00a0ahavas chinom<\/i>, unconditional love, to counteract the kind of\u00a0sinas chinom<\/i>\u00a0that continues to exist and prevents the rebuilding of the Beit Hamikdosh. We have the perfect model for this in Aharon Hakohein. His pursuit of peace earned him a special place not only in the hearts of all of Bnei Yisroel, but also in the Torah; in all of the Torah, the only person whose date of death, whose\u00a0yahrtzeit<\/i>, is recorded is Aharon\u2019s. As we read of Aharon\u2019s death in\u00a0Parshat Masei<\/i>\u00a0during The Three Weeks, we must emulate the actions of Aharon. We are charged with creating an atmosphere of peace.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fostering peace is not an elusive practice. Every time we smile at someone, call them by name, validate their worth in even the smallest way we are building the structure of friendship and peace. Look inward as well as outward, and find the positive in both. As you make peace within yourself, writes Rabbi Zvi Meir Zilberberg, you capture the strength of the month of Av.<\/span><\/p>\n

As we noted, the first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins. Rabbi Dovid Cohen tells us that each of our Patriarchs symbolizes the antidote to one of these sins. When Bnei Yisroel violated these precepts, they lost the merit of our\u00a0Avot\u00a0<\/i>and was destroyed.\u00a0<\/i>The second Beit Hamikdosh did not have Hashem\u2019s presence. It survived, notes the Maharal zt\u2019l through the unity of Bnei Yisroel. When that bond was broken, the Beit Hamikdosh could no longer survive.<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps Kamtza and Bar Kamtza are not actual names, but rather characteristics, suggest the\u00a0Sifsei Chaim<\/i>\u00a0citing the Maharal.\u00a0Kamtza<\/i>\u00a0is the same root that is defined as division. The host and Kamtza were friends, but Kamtza befriended only the host, separating himself from others. Bar Kamtza then threw waters on the flames of divisiveness. For this unfounded hatred, they are held to account. They all acted through egotistical motives. This was the culture of the time. It is all about me, and I do not have to consider anyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

As we have not yet repaired this major flaw, we are still in mourning for Yerushalayim and the Beit Hamikdosh. We must pursue chessed not just with mitzvoth, but with the proper attitude to each other. Give tzedakah or a helping hand not grudgingly, but with a smile. The smile, even without a gift, is worth more than a gift without a smile. Show others that you care.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Siach Yosef quotes the story of R\u2019 Chayim Friedlander zt\u2019l, who heard that he only had a few weeks to live.\u00a0 He asked R\u2019 Shach zt\u2019l what should he focus on during this short time? R\u2019 Shach replied perfecting one\u2019s middos.\u00a0 Don\u2019t wait for such news. Bridge the gap now, one smile at a time, and rectify the failures of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shiur\u00a0provided\u00a0courtesy\u00a0of\u00a0Naaleh.com Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein Why was the Beit Hamikdosh destroyed? The Gemara tells us that the first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because Bnei Yisroel transgressed the three cardinal sins. However, the Second Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because of sinat chinam.\u00a0 The Gemara gives as an example of that era the story of Kamtza […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":883,"featured_media":59191,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"video","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[359],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-59179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-video","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-three-weeks","post_format-post-format-video"],"yoast_head":"\nMiddot Modification - Jewish Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/middot-modification\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Middot Modification - Jewish Holidays\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Shiur\u00a0provided\u00a0courtesy\u00a0of\u00a0Naaleh.com Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein Why was the Beit Hamikdosh destroyed? The Gemara tells us that the first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because Bnei Yisroel transgressed the three cardinal sins. 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