{"id":39817,"date":"2016-08-08T14:34:19","date_gmt":"2016-08-08T14:34:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/?p=39817"},"modified":"2016-09-27T09:44:33","modified_gmt":"2016-09-27T09:44:33","slug":"parallel-lives-three-weeks-recreate-bond-love-respect-passion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/parallel-lives-three-weeks-recreate-bond-love-respect-passion\/","title":{"rendered":"Parallel Lives: Three Weeks to Recreate a Bond"},"content":{"rendered":"

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person<\/em> – Mignon McLaughlin.<\/i><\/p>\n

We are decidedly troubling beings. \u00a0We are at once noble and sanctified creatures, imbued with the glory and holiness of God while, at the same time, being vulnerable and petty creatures, mired in the sad and troubling realities of the physical world around us, realities that are often the result of our own selfish and foolish behavior.<\/p>\n

No period of time drives our troubling nature home more forcefully than the Three Weeks. \u00a0Beginning when, historically, the walls of Jerusalem were breached by the Romans and reaching their mournful, painful crescendo on Tisha B\u2019Av, the date on which the weight, number and overwhelming calamities weighing on us find us grieving and fasting for forgiveness and relief, these three weeks are the darkest of our liturgical calendar.<\/p>\n

Three weeks.<\/p>\n

Three weeks when we feel most alone, most vulnerable, most distant from God and the safety of his glory and protection. \u00a0Three weeks when all around us the world basks \u2013 or swelters \u2013 in the hot, summer sun \u2013 we are in our darkest period.<\/p>\n

Summer is, for most people, a time of relaxation and fun. \u00a0But for Jews, these three weeks mark an inauspicious time, a frightening time, a time when God seems withdrawn from us and our humiliations, tragedies, exiles and defeats loom large. \u00a0During these three weeks, we feel God\u2019s absence in a physical way. \u00a0It bows our heads and tightens the muscles in our stomachs. \u00a0We ache for Him to be more present. \u00a0We ache for Him to return and infuse our lives with power and sanctity. \u00a0We need Him close but He seems to be hiding His face. \u00a0It is time of hester panim<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The Three Weeks are a hard time, a mournful time. \u00a0But like any difficult time, it is also a time of opportunity; a time when we can take the difficult and learn from it, take the sadness and learn to appreciate joy, confront our fears and find courage, recognize hurt and discover new ways to heal it.<\/p>\n

The truth is, during the Three Weeks God seems<\/em> distant. \u00a0But, He is never so far away that we cannot reconnect if we are determined to do so<\/em>. God wants our bond to be strong, He wants us to reconnect.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, the simple truth is as the poet has said, \u201cabsence makes the heart grow fonder\u201d and we need to feel God turn away to know how desperately and passionate we want and need Him to be close.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

In Rav Norman Lamm\u2019s \u201cThe Veil of God\u201d, he relates how tradition teaches that when the Romans breached the Holy Temple and entered the Holy of Holies, they came upon the two Cherubim, the \u201c\u2026statuettes resembling the faces of young , innocent children, and from between which the voice of God would issue forth. When the enemy beheld these Cherubim, the Talmud relates, they found that the two figurines were facing each other. Now this is most unexpected, because according to Jewish tradition, the Cherubim faced each other only when Israel was obedient to God (\u2018osin retzono shel Makom<\/em>); when Jews did not perform the will of God, the Cherubim turned away from each other. The destruction of the Temple was certainly the result of Israel’s disobedience and rebellion. One would expect, therefore, that they turn their faces away from each other. Why, then, were they facing one another, the sign of mutual love between God and His people?\u201d<\/p>\n

His answer, teaches us something powerful about the nature of love and friendship. \u00a0That is that just as it is most dark right before the dawn, the attachment between two people is always strongest just before they part.<\/p>\n

Two people can have an enduring relationship, a warm relationship, a caring relationship for years and years, but let the end draw near and all the emotion, passion, hope and joy that defined that relationship at its onset returns \u2013 in abundance!<\/p>\n

What does this have to do with the Three Weeks?<\/p>\n

God appreciates that we daven<\/em> every day; He loves that we find rest during the Sabbath and that we observe His commandments. \u00a0But He wants more<\/em> than that. \u00a0He wants a rekindling of the passion that brings us close and lifts us. \u00a0He wants us to engage in the passion that burns with holiness.<\/p>\n

Relationships need constant words of love and appreciation to stay strong and develop. Our relationship with God is no different. During the Three Weeks, we feel<\/em> the distance in our relationship with God. \u00a0How do we close that distance? \u00a0How do we return to the \u201cfear and trembling\u201d of Sinai?<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The love between God and Israel follows the same pattern as genuine human love. Tisha B\u2019av was the beginning of the hester panim<\/em>, the parting of the lovers. God and Israel turned away from each other, and the great, exciting, and immensely complicated relationship between the two companions, begun in the days of Abraham, was coming to an end. But before this tragic and heartbreaking moment, there took place a last, long, lingering look, the fervent embrace of the two lovers as they were about to part. At the threshold of separation they both experienced a great outpouring of mutual love, an intense ahavah<\/em>, as they suddenly realized the long absence from each other that lay ahead of them; in so brief a time they tried to crowd all the affection the opportunities for which they ignored in the past, and all the love which would remain unrequited in the course of the future absence. That is why the Cherubim were facing each other. Certainly the Israelites were rebellious and in contempt of the will of God. But they were facing each other; God and Israel looked towards each other longingly and in lingering affection before they were pulled apart. And from this high spiritual union of God and Israel was created the soul of the Messiah! Mashiach<\/em> was conceived in intense and rapturous love!<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

We are, of course, merely human. \u00a0How can we really renew bonds, genuine bonds between us and God? \u00a0How could we do such a thing? \u00a0Our bonds must constantly be renewed. \u00a0Just as our human bonds \u2013 between friends, between parents and children, between husband and wife.<\/p>\n

Throughout our poetic and religious literature, the relationship between Israel and God has been likened to that between bride and groom, husband and wife. \u00a0It is a deep and true image. \u00a0And, as we learn during the Three Weeks, sometimes in our most important relationships, distance creeps in, complacency takes over, the ongoing day by day weight of life files away the passion and joy.<\/p>\n

How do we renew that<\/em> relationship?<\/p>\n

Husbands and wives have done a great many things to renew \u201cthe spark\u201d of their initial love. \u00a0Some things intuitively make sense \u2013 long walks, scheduling a \u201cdate night\u201d, going on vacation \u2013 others are a bit more of a stretch \u2013 roller coasters and bungee jumping. \u00a0At base, every relationship requires communication to grow, to renew, and to stay strong.<\/p>\n

Some couples find praying together is a powerful bond. \u00a0Others, walks in nature. \u00a0A couple I know very well use a technique I find powerful and moving, they recite the entire book of Tehilim<\/em> every week, each reciting half the book. \u00a0One week, the husband recites all the even numbered chapters and the wife the odd numbered; the following week, the reverse. \u00a0In this way, they communicate their deep love for one another and maintain the spiritual component of their relationship.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is a very boding intimate daily connection in a spiritually holy way. \u00a0We feel close through it; feels like we are doing something together for ourselves and for our family.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wondered, How is that bonding with each other?<\/p>\n

\u201cIt is something that we are doing together. So we are together even when we are not together. It connects us on a different, holy level.\u201d<\/p>\n

I grant you, it\u2019s not bungee jumping but this couple has been doing this for four years and they seem closer, kinder, more loving and more deeply committed than ever.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

Yes, there is distance during the Three Weeks. \u00a0But, just as it is true that devoted friends never forget each other \u2013 even if anger and offense have caused distance. \u00a0It is never the case of \u201cout of sight, out of mind.\u201d A father may be so angry with his son that they don\u2019t speak but his heart aches waiting for his son to call, to write, to make some gesture towards reconciliation. No matter how long the marriage and how \u201cset in their ways\u201d husband and wife become, some of the initial spark will always remain.<\/p>\n

All these are instances of separation tense with love striving for reunion.<\/p>\n

Such indeed is the hester panim<\/em> that separates us from our Father in Heaven. We are exiled from Him \u2013 but not alienated. We are so far yet so close. God\u2019s face is hidden but His heart is awake. Of course the divine love for Israel has not expired. It is that and that alone that accounts for our continued existence to this day. Certainly \u201cwith a great love hast Thou loved us\u201d \u2013 for though we are banished, we need but call to Him and He will answer . Like a wise parent, the Almighty may punish, even expel, but never ceases to love His child!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – Mignon McLaughlin. We are decidedly troubling beings. \u00a0We are at once noble and sanctified creatures, imbued with the glory and holiness of God while, at the same time, being vulnerable and petty creatures, mired in the sad and troubling realities […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":296,"featured_media":39822,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[359],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-three-weeks"],"yoast_head":"\nParallel Lives: Three Weeks to Recreate a Bond - Jewish Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"During the Three Weeks God seems distant. 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