\u00a0\u201cIf the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
– Meister Eckhart<\/p>\n
Last year, not long before Passover was to begin and my thoughts were already on the coming Seders and great drama we would be observing, I happened to be just outside a building when I observed the following small scene unfold before me:\u00a0 An older gentleman was entering the building when a younger man hurried behind him, looking to have been late for something.\u00a0 The first gentleman held the door open for him.\u00a0 The younger man rushed past, not even acknowledging the first gentleman\u2019s kindness.\u00a0\u00a0 No sooner had the young man rushed through the doorway than a woman in business attire came through, followed closely behind by a man carrying a small parcel.\u00a0 The first gentleman continued to hold the door open for them.\u00a0 They both said, \u201cThank you\u201d as they passed.\u00a0 The first gentleman smiled, \u201cI guess it is my turn to be the doorman today.\u201d<\/p>\n
He had no sooner said that than another young man entered through the door he held open.\u00a0 The young man said, \u201cThank you\u201d and then paused to hold the door so the first gentleman could enter the building.\u00a0 The older gentleman smiled and said, \u201cThank you\u201d and then entered the building.\u00a0 The young man returned the smile and then, as soon as the older gentlemen was in the building, released the door.<\/p>\n
This entire scene played out in less than twenty seconds.\u00a0 Twenty seconds of a simple situation that plays out millions of times each and every day.\u00a0 And yet, it seemed to me to capture something essential to the particular part of the Passover Seder I had been thinking of that morning \u2013 Dayeinu.\u00a0 Had God only done for us one thing it would have been enough, but God did so much more.<\/p>\n
It would have been enough.<\/p>\n
My \u201cDayeinu thoughts\u201d and the scene which had played out before me conspired to cause me to think more deeply about what it means to be grateful.\u00a0 Is it enough to simply say, \u201cThank you\u201d?<\/p>\n
Jewish teaching and tradition would suggest that genuine gratitude demands a good deal more than a simple \u201cthank you\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 Mind you, a \u201cthank you\u201d is better than none.\u00a0 In the simple scene I\u2019d observed, the first young man who rushed through the doorway almost as if he was entitled <\/i>to have the door held open for him did not so much as bother to acknowledge the kindness of the stranger making his day easier.\u00a0 His behavior reminded me of a story the rabbis tell of two angels who flew to earth, each carrying a basket.\u00a0 Wherever a person stood in prayer, the angels paused.\u00a0 Very soon, the basket one of the angels carried grew heavy while the basket of the other angel remained nearly empty.<\/p>\n
Into the first angel\u2019s basket were prayers of petition.\u00a0 \u201cPlease give me this\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \u201cPlease, Lord, I want that\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Into the second angel\u2019s basket were prayers of thanks.<\/p>\n
The difference in the baskets was not lost on the angels who observed that people are always ready to pray for what they want but very few remember to thank God when their prayers are answered.\u00a0 \u201cPerhaps,\u201d they considered, \u201cthat is because they never feel they have enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
People not only feel they never feel that they have enough but they often feel that they are entitled to have more.\u00a0 Our only mistake is thinking that this attitude is a recent one.\u00a0 When we feel we never have enough, or that whatever we have is our due, we do not feel grateful for what we have.\u00a0 And the ability to feel gratitude is the greatest gift that God has bestowed upon us.<\/p>\n
Does not King David make this very point when he exclaims in Psalm 116, \u201c How can I repay God for all His kindness to me?\u201d In this declaration, the Psalmist is saying that the greatest goodness granted by God is the ability and capacity to thank Him. \u00a0More than material things, more than life itself, it is the ability to be grateful for our blessings that make us human.\u00a0 Do we not acknowledge as much in our daily prayers?\u00a0 Modim<\/i> anachnu lach she’atah <\/i>\u2013 \u201cWe <\/i>gratefully thank You, for it is You . . .\u201d<\/p>\n
This is reinforced at the end of the Modim D’Rabanan <\/i>where we say, al she’anachnu modim lach <\/i>\u2013 \u201cfor <\/i>we thank You.\u201d<\/p>\n
And what are we thanking God for?\u00a0 For inspiring us to give thanks.\u00a0 That is, for the capacity and ability to declare our hakarat hatov.\u00a0 <\/i>After all, as Rabbi Eliyahu Dressler taught, our service to God is not for His need but for our own.<\/p>\n
We see expression of what it means to be grateful in the Torah when Yitro, Moses\u2019 father-in-law advised Moses.\u00a0 \u201cWhy do you sit alone . . . You will surely wither away, both you and this people that is with you . . . Now hearken unto my voice, I will give you counsel, and God shall be with you.\u201d\u00a0 (Shemot 18:14-19)<\/p>\n
Had not others taken note of this intolerable situation?\u00a0 Aaron?\u00a0 The Elders?\u00a0 Was Yitro\u2019s advice really required?\u00a0 It was, particularly when we understand the essence of Yitro\u2019s character, his hakarat hatov<\/i>.<\/p>\n
To fully appreciate this quality of Yitro, we must return to a conversation between him and his daughters when Moses first arrived in Midian, paying close attention to the word, ve\u2019ayo<\/i>.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/i>\u201cAnd he said to his daughters \u2018ve\u2019ayo\u2019 <\/i>(And where is he?) \u00a0Wherefore have you left this man? \u00a0Call him, that he may eat bread.\u2019\u201d (Shemot 2:20)<\/p>\n
Why didn\u2019t the Torah simply have Yitro tell his daughters to call Moses?\u00a0 Would the meaning been any different?\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And no.\u00a0 Ve\u2019ayo, <\/i>however, shades the meaning.\u00a0 It transforms Yitro\u2019s question into a rhetorical question, so that it\u2019s meaning becomes, \u201cHow is it possible that the one who just showed you such kindness has been left to remain outside?\u201d Implied is the deeper lesson, When one bestows chesed <\/i>and kindness upon you, you must respond with an immediate and spontaneous ex\u00adpression of gratitude.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yitro had hakarat hatov.\u00a0 <\/i><\/p>\n
But what is hakarat<\/i> hatov? <\/i><\/p>\n
In truth, it is possible to accept a favor from another in one of three ways.\u00a0 The first would be akin to the young man who rushed through the doorway in my example \u2013 with a feeling of entitlement.\u00a0 His attitude is \u201cyou give, I take.\u201d\u00a0 He believes that everything and everyone exists for his benefit.<\/p>\n
Another way is with an expression of thanks, much like the two people who came through the doorway after the young man.\u00a0 They, at least, acknowledged, that an act of kindness had been performed.\u00a0 Still, other than the expression of thanks, they made not gesture to reciprocate the kindness.<\/p>\n
Then there is the way personified by the young man who followed those two.\u00a0 Not only did he express his thanks in words, he reached out to hold the door open for the kind, older gentlemen.\u00a0 That is, he felt an inner need to respond immediately with words and kindness, an inner desire to express hakarat hatov. <\/i>The essence of such a person is to give, not \u00a0take. Even when he receives a kindness, he immediately seeks to reciprocate.<\/p>\n
In his commentary to Mishlei <\/i>3:3, the Gaon of Vilna makes the distinction between emet <\/i>and chesed<\/i>, noting that the recipient of kindness who responds in kind exemplifies emet <\/i>while the recipient of kindness who responds with more than he has received exemplifies chesed. <\/i>\u00a0In this way, the Gaon explains Rachav’s <\/i>request to the meraglim, <\/i>\u201cNow therefore, I pray you, swear unto me by the Lord, since I have dealt kindly (chesed<\/i>) <\/i>with you, that you also will deal kindly (chesed<\/i>) <\/i>with my father’s house, and give me a true token (emet<\/i>). (Joshua 2:12)<\/p>\n
For herself, Rachab sought emet, <\/i>since she herself extended chesed <\/i>to the\u00a0meraglim\u00a0<\/i>and therefore she had every right to expect that they respond in kind. As for her father’s house, which did not extend itself in any way for the\u00a0meraglim, <\/i>she requested chesed <\/i>so that they too be saved.\u00a0 \u00a0Emet<\/i> expects that chesed <\/i>will beget chesed<\/i>.<\/p>\n
This captures the essence of Yitro. \u00a0He could not imagine that one would be the beneficiary of decency and menschlichkeit <\/i>and not have the inner need to respond immediately in kind with an expression of appreciation, if not with a mutual act of kindness.<\/p>\n
Yitro then is the rebbe <\/i>of hakarat hatov.<\/i><\/p>\n
Such a posture of hakarat hatov <\/i>extends beyond relations with others.\u00a0 The Torah, in ways that foretell some of Martin Buber\u2019s insights, that hakarat hatov <\/i>extends even to inanimate objects.<\/p>\n
When the first plague of blood was to strike\u00a0Mitzrayim<\/i>, <\/i>\u201cGod said to Moshe, tell Aaron to take your staff and stretch out your hand . . . that they [the waters] may become blood.\u201d (Shemot<\/i> 7:19) \u00a0Why is Aaron the an intermediary? \u00a0Moshe owed the waters an everlasting expression of hakarat hatov<\/i>, <\/i>\u201cbecause the river had protected Moshe when he was cast into it, therefore it was not smitten by him neither at the plague of blood nor at that of frogs.\u201d (Rashi <\/i>7:19. See also Shemot Rabbah <\/i>9:10 and 10:4)<\/p>\n
Likewise the plague of kinim<\/i>.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/i>\u201cReb Tanchum said,\u00a0 God said to Moshe, the sand that protected you when you struck the Egyptian, could not be struck by you.\u201d (Shemot Rabbah <\/i>10:7)<\/p>\n
These examples make clear that hakarat hatov <\/i>is not a consequence of the intention or hardship of the giver.\u00a0 Quite the opposite.\u00a0 \u00a0Hakarat hatov <\/i>is an obligation on the beneficiary, for no other reason than he benefited.<\/p>\n
The weak \u201cexplanations\u201d of the entitled \u2013 \u201cthey wanted <\/i>to give\u201d or \u201cthey derive pleasure from giving\u201d \u2013 have no bearing!\u00a0\u00a0 Hakarat hatov <\/i>emanates directly from my inner need to respond all that benefits me.\u00a0 It is for this reason that Chazal took it for granted that one would not toss a rock into a well from which he drank. (Baba Kama <\/i>92b)<\/p>\n
The need for hakarat hatov <\/i>is inherent in all of us, as we are all the beneficiaries of blessings.\u00a0 Consider the shoresh ha-mitzvah <\/i>of honoring father and mother.\u00a0 The Chinuch views <\/i>this obligation as the most obvious expression of hakarat hatov:<\/i><\/p>\n
That it is fitting for a man to acknowledge and treat with loving-kindness the person who treated him with goodness, and he should not be a scoundrel, an ingrate who turns a cold shoulder\u2014for this is an evil quality, utterly vile before God and before mankind. It is for a person to realize that his father and mother are the cause of his being in the world; hence in very truth it is proper to give them every honor and every benefit that he can . .<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Hakarat hatov<\/i> to one\u2019s father and mother begins at the moment of birth.\u00a0 Certainly, as the years progress, there are many more reasons for hakarat hatov <\/i>but even if there were not, that father and mother are \u201cthe cause of his being in the world,\u201d is reason enough. \u00a0<\/i>If hakarat hatov <\/i>is fundamentally evident in \u201ckibud av v\u2019em<\/i>\u201d how much more is it evident in the deeply rooted urge to acknowledge and laud the One who is the primary cause of our existence?<\/p>\n
God has prepared for us a world of wonder and grace.\u00a0 How should we respond to the blessing of living in it?\u00a0 In\u00a0Berachot<\/i>, the Talmud provides insight into how hakarat hatov <\/i>should animate our presence, as well as the refined character of\u00a0makir\u00a0tov<\/i>.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does a gracious guest say? \u00a0\u2018How much the host (baal habayit<\/i>) <\/i>toiled on my behalf; how much meat he brought before me, how much wine he brought before me, how many loaves he brought before me, and all that he toiled, he toiled but only for me.\u2019\u00a0 But what does the ungracious guest say? \u00a0\u2018What toil was expended by his host? I ate one slice of bread, one piece of meat; I drank one glass; all of the toil expended by the host was only for his wife and children.\u2019\u201d Berachot <\/i>58a<\/p>\n
Consider the implications of this passage.\u00a0 If the host did not expend particular \u201ctoil\u201d for the guest, then why is the guest ungracious for simply acknowledging the obvious?\u00a0 If special toil was indeed invested for the guest, why is the gracious guest commended for his observation?<\/p>\n
When it comes to hakarat hatov <\/i>however, the focus is not on the host but on the recipient.\u00a0 They gracious guests is moved by what he received, not why or how.\u00a0 The gracious guest says, \u201cI benefitted.\u201d\u00a0 Even had the host not <\/i>toiled, the mokir tov <\/i>responds with gratitude, with the attitude that says, \u201cLook at all that he did for me!\u201d<\/p>\n
He says, \u201cDayeinu<\/i>!\u201d\u00a0 Had I only received that, it would have been enough.<\/p>\n
The man and woman who entered the doorway did not say, \u201cThere is no reason to thank this man, for he was holding the door open anyway.\u201d\u00a0 They accepted what they received <\/i>and said thank you.\u00a0 Likewise, the young man who followed them not only accepted what he received with a heart of hakarat hatov <\/i>but was moved by feelings to extend the same courtesy to the older man.<\/p>\n
Dayeinu<\/i>!<\/p>\n
Dayeinu, <\/i>appearing in the heart of the Haggadah’s <\/i>text, serves as a bridge between the Tanaim<\/i>, \u00a0R. Yossi, R. Eliezer, R. Akiva, whose statement regarding the plagues appear directly before Dayeinu, <\/i>and Rabban Gamliel’s statement about Pesach, <\/i>Matzoth and maror<\/i>, which immediately follows Dayeinu<\/i>. <\/i><\/p>\n
Dayeinu <\/i>is the primary Pesach <\/i>lesson of hakarat<\/i> hatov.\u00a0 <\/i>It teaches us to focus on what we have \u2013 and to be grateful \u2013 because God owes us nothing, but has given us so much.\u00a0\u00a0 Therefore, when God favors us with His mercy and goodness, we need to immediately express our gratitude to Him. \u00a0On Pesach <\/i>our gratitude takes the form of Dayeinu. \u00a0<\/i>Once the heart of the Haggadah’s text revealing all of the miracles and wonders of Yetziat Mitzrayim<\/i> have been retold, it is natural for the\u00a0makir\u00a0tov <\/i>to express hakarat<\/i> hatov. <\/i><\/p>\n
We recount each of the fifteen acts of Divine kindnesses, each of which would have been enough to warrant our hakarat hatovtot <\/i>by itself!\u00a0 Dayeinu. \u00a0<\/i>\u00a0Each of these kindnesses would have been enough.\u00a0 But fifteen!\u00a0 Emet <\/i>expects and even demands that chesed <\/i>will beget chesed, <\/i>even though God derived joy by bringing us out of Egypt . . . by giving us their wealth, dividing the sea, leading us through dry land, providing for our needs in the wilderness, feeding us with manna, giving us the Shabbat, <\/i>bringing us before Mount Sinai . . . We therefore follow our verbal expression of hakarat hatov, Dayeinu<\/i>!<\/p>\n
Ultimately, dayeinu<\/i>, every taker must become a giver, a giver with pure heart and cheerful spirit.\u00a0 That is hakarat hatov.\u00a0 <\/i>And our ultimate hakarat hatov <\/i>response to God is manifested through our fulfillment of His mitzvot.<\/i><\/p>\n
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Rabbi Dr. Eliyahu Safran serves as OU Kosher\u2019s Vice President for Communications and Marketing.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00a0\u201cIf the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.\u201d – Meister Eckhart Last year, not long before Passover was to begin and my thoughts were already on the coming Seders and great drama we would be observing, I happened to be just outside a building when I observed the following small […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":296,"featured_media":41700,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[350],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35170","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-passover"],"yoast_head":"\n