{"id":28127,"date":"2008-09-25T15:54:29","date_gmt":"1970-01-01T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/production.ou.org\/holidays\/yom-kippur\/you_do_have_a_prayer\/"},"modified":"2020-09-08T11:57:41","modified_gmt":"2020-09-08T11:57:41","slug":"you_do_have_a_prayer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/holidays\/you_do_have_a_prayer\/","title":{"rendered":"You DO Have a Prayer"},"content":{"rendered":"
As we get ready for Yom Kippur, I have a question: What is Kol Nidre all about? Why do we say Kol Nidre on Yom Kippur? Or, more importantly, why is Kol Nidre \u2013 which means \u201cAll vows\u201d \u2013 the last thing we say before the start of Yom Kippur, the holiest of holy days, the Shabbos of Shabboses? What is the big deal about vows?<\/div>\n
There is a simple answer that is a bit complex \u2013 and then there is a complex answer that is really simple. And, then, seven rules that I find helpful for enhancing my prayers.<\/i><\/div>\n
The simple answer is that in Kol Nidre, we renounce all vows we made during the year and \u2013 according to most authorities \u2013 the vows that we may make during the coming year as well. But that simple answer doesn\u2019t really explain anything. It is much more complex. Why are vows so important? What is the big deal about vows \u2013 not only in Kol Nidre but throughout the Torah and Talmud? If a judge asked a man on trial for a capital crime if he has anything to say for himself before sentencing, would he say, \u201cWell, I forgot to pay my MasterCard bill even though I promised I would\u201d?<\/div>\n

The complex answer highlights the essence of prayer. It is actually quite simple. We say Kol Nidre because it highlights our direct connection to G-d and G-d\u2019s direct connection to us.<\/p>\n

Let me give some perspective.<\/p>\n

The essence of a vow is that it is a contract between G-d and me. Okay. So? I make agreements all the time. I usually feel bad if I don\u2019t live up to them, but it\u2019s not the end of the world. And I may sometimes make a promise to G-d that I will\/won\u2019t do something. I try my best but sometimes I don\u2019t live up to that vow either.<\/p>\n

So here\u2019s the big deal: the incredible thing about a vow to G-d is what it actually is. A vow is a contract between the Almighty and me. Think about that. It is an outright real enforceable contract. I can make a deal with G-d. It is a direct connection like renting a car or an apartment or any other promise or contract. But think about it \u2013 G-d is infinite, ever-expanding, runs the world, feeds the animals, gets the sun to rise and makes the stars. I can make a contract directly with G-d.<\/p>\n

So a vow gets to the essence of my relationship with G-d. It is one-on-one. I have a personal relationship even to the extent that I can cut a deal with G-d. G-d is in the heavens but I have a one-on-one relationship with the Almighty.<\/p>\n

Now, let\u2019s get to Kol Nidre. This is no ordinary deal. If I don\u2019t pay some bill or my rent, it\u2019s not the end of the world. But the relationship with G-d is special. It is not to be taken lightly. With a vow to G-d, if I violate an oath, it is a big deal because we treat a vow as a real contract.<\/p>\n

But there is more: Kol Nidre gives me an incredible opportunity, i.e., to start the year fresh without any outstanding obligations. But I will come back to that in a moment.<\/p>\n

\"Contract\"Next: my seven rules for prayer.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. You don\u2019t have to finish praying but you do have to start<\/li>\n
  2. Pray early and often<\/li>\n
  3. Having a \u201cgood prayer\u201d day<\/li>\n
  4. Know before whom you stand<\/li>\n
  5. Finding a parking spot in NYC<\/li>\n
  6. Real men do prayer<\/li>\n
  7. Choose your weapons<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    1. Prayer: You don\u2019t have to finish, but you have to start<\/b>
    \nIf you go to a typical mainstream Orthodox prayer service, it can be hard to keep up. They go so fast.<\/p>\n

    You don\u2019t have to. And you don\u2019t have to finish all the prayers. Quality matters over quantity. Looked at another way, we are all influenced by the business world in which the only thing that counts is results. In prayer, you get full credit for the effort. There are certain ones (e.g., Shema, the Amidah) that are more central, but our Sages tell us that you have to understand what you are saying.<\/p>\n

    In the SATs \u2013 you get more credit for the right answers. Similarly, in prayer, you get points for knowing what you are saying and not just for rushing through so you finish.<\/p>\n

    2. Pray early and<\/i> often<\/b>
    \nOne of the nice things about Jewish prayer is that the morning and evening prayers bracket your day. You start your day with prayers and you finish your day with prayers. So everything in the middle is in the \u201cprayer parentheses.\u201d It helps to put perspective on the world if you start and end your day with prayers. It gives your day more meaning. Everything you do during the course of your day fits inside the brackets that starts with G-d and ends with G-d \u2013 with a booster shot in the middle of the day with mincha (mid-day) prayers.<\/p>\n

    As someone wrote to me recently, it helps you understand that \u201cyou are the bowl, not the grapes.\u201d<\/p>\n

    3. Having a \u201cgood prayer\u201d day<\/b>
    \nI have a friend who made a joke that when Houston was conducting a contest for a \u201ccity motto,\u201d her suggestion was: \u201cHouston: where every day is a bad hair day.\u201d<\/p>\n

    I have good \u201cprayer days\u201d and bad \u201cprayer days.\u201d There are some days when prayer comes more naturally. You have something bothering you. And there are those days when it doesn\u2019t because you are distracted. That\u2019s normal. So don\u2019t let that get you down or discourage you. Tomorrow can be better. A great baseball player can go 0 for four and then hit a grand slam!<\/p>\n

    4. Know before whom you stand<\/b>
    \nPrayer does require the right perspective. If I really believe that I am praying to the King of Kings, Who controls the world, I will have a different mindset than if I don\u2019t have any particular perspective in mind. Before I walk into my (secular) boss\u2019 office, I intuitively know who I am about to address and will act accordingly. It is the same with prayer: you need to think for a moment before you approach your Bosses of all Bosses.<\/p>\n

    What about talking during praying? I used to get very annoyed when other people were talking while I was praying. Where is their sense of dignity, I would huff to myself. Some times I would think about telling them to be quiet. But now I look at things differently. Every action, I realize, consists of two parts: what it means for me and what it means for the other person. I don\u2019t know why that person is talking, but that is his issue. For me, I believe that G-d is giving me a test, testing me with the temptation for me to talk (since everyone is doing it). But G-d gives us tests to strengthen us, and this is just one more of those tests.<\/p>\n

    5. Finding a parking spot in NYC<\/b>
    \nWhat should you pray for? What are legitimate grounds for prayer? The answer: I pray for everything. I pray for the big things and I pray for what seem like small things.<\/p>\n

    But first a joke: A man is running very late for the most important meeting of his career. He has to be somewhere to sign some documents in midtown Manhattan. And he needs a parking space right in front of the midtown NYC building. \u201cOh Lord,\u201d he pleads, \u201cif you find me a parking spot in front of that building, I will observe your laws \u2013 I will keep the Shabbos \u2013 I will keep kosher \u2013 I will\u2026 oh, never mind \u2013 I found a spot.<\/i><\/p>\n

    It is legitimate to pray for a parking space. It is okay to pray for anything, for everything. It\u2019s a great habit to get into. Because it helps us remember Who is in charge of everything. G-d splits seas, brings the weather, brings the dew in the morning \u2013 and helps me find a parking spot.<\/p>\n

    6. Real men pray.<\/b>
    \nI think there seems sometimes to be a level of elitism in the religious world that prayer is for girls or for the weak and \u201creal men do gemara.\u201d But look at the gemara or look at the Torah: real men \u2013 such as Avraham, Isaac and Jacob \u2013 prayed. Prayer is not just for seminary girls. It is for all of us. At a more contemporary level, great rabbis focus on prayer. I have been told that Rav Moshe Feinstein said tehillim (Psalms) every day and that his son, Rav Dovid Feinstein says the whole book of tehillim three times a week. From another perspective, it\u2019s like conditioning for a great athlete. They didn\u2019t get to the top of their sport without constant practice of the basics.<\/p>\n

    7. Choose your weapons. <\/b>
    \nWhen it comes to prayer books \u2013 siddurim \u2013 there are a lot of choices. There is Hebrew\/English, transliterated, interlinear, Hebrew only. There\u2019s large print, small and portable. There are also some great books on prayer. I find that I like having multiple prayer books because some days I want a different pace or different commentary.<\/p>\n

    Finally, prayer is personal. While I have a terrific partner \u2013 my wife, Nancy \u2013 in my spiritual growth, prayer remains an individual activity. Like dieting or exercise, no one can make me pray. It has to come from me. And that is why I started out by trying to put prayer in context \u2013 I am praying to a G-d with whom I have a one-on-one relationship.<\/p>\n

    So, one last thing on Kol Nidre. Not only do we have a direct relationship with G-d, but He will let us out of all of our vows so we can start the year fresh. It is essential to understand that this is a real relationship. When we make a vow to G-d as a very serious thing, then we can look at our prayers as having real meaning \u2013 as being a real conversation where we ask for all the things we need \u2013 and are thankful for all the things we have.<\/p>\n

    Kol Nidre, then, highlights \u2013 first \u2013 that we have a real tangible one-on-one connection with G-d to the extent that I can enter into an enforceable contract with G-d. Second, that G-d \u2013 and this is where he differs with MasterCard or your lender \u2013 will forgive us for hasty things we say and start each year fresh and new.<\/p>\n

    \n

    Andrew Neff, who was on Wall Street for 25 years, recently wrote an article From Bear Stearns to Bava Metzia<\/a>. He now spends mornings in a yeshiva in Teaneck, New Jersey.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    As we get ready for Yom Kippur, I have a question: What is Kol Nidre all about? Why do we say Kol Nidre on Yom Kippur? Or, more importantly, why is Kol Nidre \u2013 which means \u201cAll vows\u201d \u2013 the last thing we say before the start of Yom Kippur, the holiest of holy days, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133249,"featured_media":40620,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[339],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-yom-kippur"],"yoast_head":"\nYou DO Have a Prayer - Jewish Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Kol Nidrei shows our direct connection to G-d. 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