Lesson # 500 Contradictory witnesses regarding betrothal Before continuing with the subject matter, I would like to translate a statement of the Shulhan Aruch that does not appear until chapter 49 and it reads as follows, "Whoever is not expert in the laws of marriage and divorce should not be part of the process and should not decide matters dealing with them because it is easy to make a mistake and this will result in prohibited things being practiced and will result in children who are mamzerim." Assume that two witnesses say that they saw Sarah being betrothed and two other witnesses say we did not see the betrothal. She is to be considered betrothed. This applies even if all of the witnesses reside in the same residential complex and it is assumed that everyone there knows what the others are doing. The fact that these people did not see the betrothal does not prove that there was no betrothal. The betrothal could have been done quietly. Assume that two witnesses say she was betrothed and two witnesses say she was not betrothed. Or assume that he threw the object of the kiddushin to her for betrothal purposes and two witnesses say the object landed closer to her and she is betrothed and two witnesses say the object landed closer to him and she is not betrothed. In these situations she may not marry another person and if she became betrothed or married to another man the second man must divorce her. If she married one of the witnesses and she stated that she was not betrothed until then, he need not divorce her. One witnesses testified that she was betrothed and another single witness says she was not betrothed. She testifies that she was never betrothed. She may become betrothed to another man. If a man wanted to betroth her by throwing an object of kiddushin toward her. There is contradictory testimony if the object landed closer to her and the kiddushin is valid or closer to him and the kiddushin is not valid. She should not get married to another man but if she married another man, she is married to the second man. Assume that a girl stated I was betrothed and she immediately stated I am not betrothed - her second statement is accepted and she is considered not to be betrothed. If her second statement came after a few moments her second statement is disregarded. She may explain her first statement by saying she said she was betrothed since many people there wanted her to become betrothed to a man she did not want to become betrothed to. If her current statement seems to be true, we say that we believe it and she is not considered betrothed to the person she said she was betrothed to. If she did not offer us a logical and truthful reason for her first statement, we consider her to be betrothed to the man she mentioned in her first statement. If she accepted betrothal from another person she is considered to be doubtfully betrothed to him and he must deliver a Get to her and she may not marry him. Assume that a man said to a woman I betrothed you and she says you did not betroth me. He may not betroth any of her relatives but she may become betrothed to his relatives. If she stated that he betrothed her and he denies the betrothal, she is prohibited to become betrothed to his relatives but he may become betrothed to her relatives. Assume that Reuven stated that he betrothed Sarah and Sarah says you did not betroth me but you did betroth my daughter Rivka. Reuven is prohibited to the relatives of Sarah and Sarah is permitted to the relatives of Reuven. Reuven is permitted to the relatives of Rivka and Rivka is permitted to the relatives of Reuven. Assume that Shimon says to Rachel, I betrothed your daughter Leah, and Rachel says you betrothed me Rachel; Shimon is prohibited to the relatives of Leah and Leah is permitted to his relatives. In all of these instances where a person pleads that there was betrothal (kiddushin) the allegations include that there were proper witnesses present when the kiddushin took place but the witnesses are now overseas or dead. But if the parties concede that there were not two witnesses present, the entire kiddushin is of no effect. In all those instances where the woman says there was kiddushin and the man denies it, we request that the man give her a Get (divorce) so that she may become eligible to get married to some- one else. A man betrothed one of five women who were present and he wrote a ketuba for her. He does not remember which one of the five women he betrothed. Each woman say I am the one you betrothed. He is prohibited to all of the relatives of all five women. He must give a Get to each of them. He places the proceeds of the ketuba before all five of them and tells them to work out who gets what from the ketuba. A man betrothed a woman and as soon as he gave her the money for kiddushin he changed his mind and stated that the money he gave her is a gift to her, his changing of his mind is of no avail and he must give her a Get. If a man betrothed a woman and if one of the parties changed their mind, he or she, or if he died or if she died, or he divorced her, the original kiddushin (betrothal) is never rescinded. Even if he gave her an extraordinarily large amount of kiddushin money it all belongs to her. But if the kiddushin was a mistaken betrothal, the money must be returned to him. Similarly if the kiddushin was on condition and the condition was not fulfilled, the money is returned to him. If a man betrothed his own sister, the money he gave to her for kiddushin is a gift to her for all know that a man cannot betroth his own sister. The Shulhan Aruch in the concluding paragraphs of chapter 50 of Eben haEzer has laws relating to the parties signing agreements regarding if one of the sides to the marriage calls of the marriage to be. This is a matter to be handled by lawyers and very often before the wedding there is a meeting of the parties to the forthcoming wedding and they sign documents that they do not know the true impact it can have upon them. I suggest that one should bring his own rabbi who is familiar with these agreements to explain them to him before he signs. Most of the time the agreements are merged in the marriage. There may, however be times when it does not merge and this may cause problems. [The Parshat Vayeitzei Homepage]
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