Lesson # 481 Was there a kosher marriage? There are quite a few cases dealing with the marriage itself. Was there a valid marriage? If there was, the wife will need a Get (divorce) to be free to marry again. [Or the death of the husband.] If the marriage was not valid according to halacha, she may be able to get married now to another man without a Get from her former partner, that she is not able to obtain now. The response literature has many such cases. I begin with one of many cases that were presented to one of the great decisors of the last century, Rav Moshe Feinstein ztîl. A man and woman got married civilly, that is before a judge of the court who was authorized to perform marriages. After their civil marriage, they lived together for two months in a place where there were no Jews and then she lived alone for three and a half years - he just left. He then returned and they lived together for five years in a community where Jews resided. They, however had no dealings with any of the observant Jews of the community or any Jews who had any knowledge of things Jewish. But they may have had some dealings with a few non-observant Jews of the community. He then left her and she lived by herself for half a year. He returned and they moved to Los Angeles to a community that included Jews who were religious, for a period of eight years in four different locations; one year in one location, two years in a second location, two years in a third location, and three years in a fourth location. Every year he would leave her alone for prolonged periods of time and it has been a year from the last time he left and he has not been heard from. During this last period that he was away, she came into contact with a group of people who influenced her to become religiously observant. She cannot obtain a Get from her husband. The question that was asked of Rabbi Feinstein is, can she get married to another man since she had never had a religious marriage to that man? Since she had resided five years with her husband in a place where there were Jews and the neighbors knew that she and her husband were Jewish, even though they had no contact with those Jews who were observant of the laws of the Torah... But some of the Jewish observant neighbors must have thought that they were husband and wife living in their house. Also this couple had children who were accepted in the community as being children of this couple, that is, she was the mother and the husband was the father since the children had the same last name as he had. And although the neighbors were aware of the times that he left, they also were probably aware of the times that he returned. Especially since her last name is the name of her husband. Since it is not usual for a husband to leave his wife for long periods of time and to return, the neighbors were probably well aware of their relationship. See T. Chulin 75b that everything that is extraordinary, people remember very well. Things that are unusual, people get to know about them. And as explained by Rashi, rumors abound in situations such as these. So in our case too where the husband abandoned his wife on numerous occasions and returned, this too is an event that is not usual and the neighbors were aware of this. We are compelled to so conclude that they were aware from the outset. Therefore since the neighbors included Jews who were observant who were aware of this relationship, she requires a Get to dissolve their relation- ship for there is a presumption that people do not live together in sin, therefore when they lived together it must be for the sake of marriage. Where possible, we should require a Get also from people who are not Torah observant and it is now the custom to require a Get in such situations. But if it is not possible for her to obtain the Get and she will be chained down without being able to remarry, we can in these circumstances rely on a response if Ribash (R. Isaac b. Sheshet 1326-1408; Spain, North Africa), whom the Rama says we follow in the halacha in these circumstances, as seen in 26:1 of Even haEzer and the Author [of the Shulhan Aruch R. Yosef Karo] 149:6, we see that the aforementioned presumption that a couple does not live together in an immoral relationship does not apply and it may be that in this case they were not considered to be married. When people live together in an immoral relationship they do not require a Get to terminate their relationship. Rabbi Feinstein refers the respondent to other responses of his to similar situations. Rabbi Feinstein continues that the halachic statement of Ribash is the statement of the halacha since there does not seem to be any other decisor who disagrees with him on this point of halacha. He goes into a discussion of why we treat these not knowledgeable persons as having acted in a sinful manner since they did not know the correct halachot of Nida and Mikva, and not having acted in a halachic manner and that they considered living together as being part of a halachic marriage. Even if they had considered living together as being part of a Jewish marriage, there were many things lacking to make their living together take the place of formal kiddushin, acquisition of the woman by the man for a Jewish marriage. There was lacking the presence of two witnesses to testify that they were living together for the sake of a Jewish marriage. He concludes that people who are not observant and violate so many of the laws of the Torah and act like non-Jews are also not concerned with the fact that they are living together in a non-halachic manner. Therefore there is nothing in this relationship that will require a Get for her to be able to get married. Especially in a case where she cannot obtain a Get. However, Rabbi Feinstein advises the rabbi who sent the question to him to try to obtain a Get from the man she had been living with. If this is not possible, she is free to get married without the Get. But the rabbi should try to persuade her to observe the laws of nida. [The Parshat Chukat Homepage]
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