From the virtual desk of the OU VEBBE REBBE Q My spouse and I come from different backgrounds and custom. I am Sephardic and my spouse is Ashkenazic. One issue which has the potential of being divisive, is whether to name a future son after my living (until 120) father. This is important to us and taboo to my in-laws. How do we handle this situation? A This is indeed one of the emotional issues that emanate from the mainly resent phenomenon of marriages between Ashkenzic and Sephardic families. The phenomenon is a very positive and enriching one for the Jewish community, in Israel and abroad, as the important thing is compatibility of the couple, not of their minhagim or other external things. As with most emotional issues, education can often serve to moderate feelings. Many sources discuss names, in general, and the significance of naming after relatives. The issues are primarily of custom and "hidden secrets" of Judaism, in which we do not delve, not halacha. However, there are some rules that should be followed by all. Both parents should be involved in the choosing of names, although this often breaks up into spouses alternating choosing names. There are different minhagim about who begins choosing (see Otzar Habrit, vol.1, 6:3). Although in the time of Tanach, there was little naming after
relatives, the change to the practice of naming after relatives is mentioned and
rationalized as early as the Midrash (Bereishit Rabba 37:7). Several positive
elements are mentioned: [1] We heighten the consciousness of lineage; [2] there
is a segula of transpiring positive traits of the earlier generation (apparently
negative ones are not as easily transpired); [3] It brings nachat to the
deceased predecessor's neshama; [4] It is a way of showing respect to the naming
parent's parent (see Otzar Habrit ibid.: 4). Most of these apply during the life
of the baby's grandparents, as well. It is not a bad omen for the baby. Therefore, if the Sephardic
grandfather wants the honor in his lifetime, as is traditional, his Ashkenazic
in-laws have no reason to try to overrule that. If it is the Sephardic-born
parent's turn to choose the name, there is even logic that it is improper to
pass on his/her turn and the kavod of their parents, of nigleh and nistar. If
education doesn't help in solving the problem, extreme care and wisdom should be
employed by all involved into the words and timing used in solving the problem,
with a minimum of hard feelings. “...if G-d gives me bread to eat and clothes to wear....”
B’reishit 28:20 Reason: HaShem’s blessing devolves only on something concrete.
We find Elisha telling the disciple’s wife: “Tell me what you have at home”. She
answers, “Your maidservant has nothing at all other than a measure of oil”.
Elisha blessed the oil and it multiplied in quantity many, many times over.
During the Six Days of Creation, HaShem created everything from absolute
nothing. From then on, He only creates something from something else. Reason: To remember to thank HaShem for having eaten and having
been satisfied and having left over. As the Prophet said: “Thus did HaShem say:
“Eat and leave over”. (Levush) “You’re absolutely right”, replied R’ Eliyahu Chaim. “I’m in a terrible predicament and I can’t find a way out. I once violated the commandment against giving more than a fifth of one’s income to tzedaka. To atone, I gave tzedaka, as is recommended for atone- ment from sin. But then I was again guilty of giving more than a fifth of my income, and again I had to give tzedaka as an atonement. I’m caught in a vicious cycle and don’t know how to get out of it!” R’ Yechiel Michel of Zlotchov would say: There are two things
one is not allowed to worry about: those things that can be fixed and those
things that cannot be fixed. If they can be fixed, then fix them rather than
worrying. If they cannot be fixed, what purpose does worrying serve? I wanted this to be a neat presentation of the pouched animals (mammals). I discovered that there cannot be a neat presentation of anything in the animal kingdom, since scientists are constantly changing their minds about classification and what can be said one day becomes “old system” the next. But, let’s try something. There are over 4500 species of mammals in the world. Three things distinguish mammals from other vertebrates (back-boned animals): A middle ear consisting of three bones, hair, and the production of milk by the females to feed the young. It is this last characteristic that gives the class its name, mammal, as well as the Hebrew name - YONEIK. Only three species of mammals lay eggs. We’ve presented them in earlier weeks. Platypus and two species of echidna. All the rest of mammals are live-bearing, placental. With most mammals, the young develop in the placenta of the mother until they are “ready to be born”. Others, the pouched animals (marsupials) give birth to under-developed offspring that go from the birth canal to a pouch to complete their development. The most well-known of the pouched animals are kangaroo, koala, and possum. Each of these names applies to several species. There are as many as 270 different species of marsupials. As introductions go, this was kind of feeble and inexact, but (as I’ve said) I don’t think it’s possible to be more exact. A list of the names of marsupials (in some the pouch is open at
the top and in others it is open at the bottom) is enough to give you a
headache. Of all the pieces of information on marsupials that I sifted
through in preparing this week’s column, the one statement that pointed most
strongly to the part of “our pasuk” that speaks of G-d’s having created each
creature with wisdom, is this one: Several people asked about our “early” mincha on Tish’a b’Av.
Here’s the whole story (or at least, most of it). MG is not the ideal time for davening Mincha on a Fast Day. Far more preferable is late in the afternoon, in the NE’ILA time-slot, “when the sun is at the top of the trees”. Mincha on a Fast Day is like NE’ILA on Yom Kippur and we consider it a particularly favorable time to daven for national (and individual) atonement. Additionally, there are many POSKIM who hold that BIRCHAT KOHANIM (BK) cannot be said at early Mincha time, only at the later NE’ILA time. This is similar to Yom Kippur, when we do not have BK at Mincha, but only at NE’ILA (if there is time before sunset for BK). Since we don’t have BK at Shacharit on Tish’a b’Av, it is very desirable to daven Mincha at a time when BK is done. MG has one major factor in its favor. Many people are “wiped
out” at the later time on a Fast Day, and will not be able to daven Mincha with
proper KAVANA. They feel much more alert and “with it” at MG time. And, the
CHAZON ISH holds that BK can be said on a Fast Day even at MG time. The Gemara tells us that sometimes "Ruach haKodesh" would rest
upon David haMelech and move him to sing; other times Dovid would sing and thus
experience Ruach haKodesh. This ma'amar Chazal actually depicts the life Dovid
Hertzberg z"l lead. On Shabbos an other wordly inspiration would illuminate
Dovid and move him share it with us through song; during the weekdays he would
transcend his suffering by expressing the second principle of that Gemara.
Through song Dovid would transcend his suffering by using song to lift himself
and others into a more perfect world. Returning from the cemetery, I couldn't
keep a simple phrase from my lips: M'DOVID L'DOVID LO KAM K'DOVID. - YMP In a land so blessed, it is easy to overlook the Source of all our bounty. For, "Everything you have will increase - and your heart will become haughty, and you will forget Hashem, your G-d… And you may say in your heart, 'My strength and the might of my hand made me all this wealth!'" Conversely, with current events as they are, we may be doubtful as to how bountiful our land really is. Now that we have put away our Kinot, we may need to ask if we are still yearning for Zion. Perhaps we find ourselves inquiring, as did our forefather Avraham, "O Lord G-d, how shall I know that I will inherit it?" In any event, it seems that we need to recall that Eretz Yisrael is the Land, "which the Lord your G-d cares for [and that] the eyes of the Lord your G-d are always upon it." Moreover, in these modern times, we may wish to be reminded of the concluding message of this week's haftara. For it is written: "He shall comfort Zion…[and] joy and gladness shall be found there, thanksgiving and the sound of music" (Isaiah 51:3). Shabbat Shalom, Menachem Persoff, Director, Israel Center [The Eikev Homepage]
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