Insights Yom Kippur Yom Kippur is rapidly approaching. In spite of my best intentions, I seem to have left the supremely important project of teshuvah for the last moment; perhaps--and, sad to say, I console myself with this assumption--I am not alone in this predicament. It brings back unpleasant memories from college days, l'havdil: the exam is a few days off, and half a semester's worth of material has to be covered. Somehow. In short, a grotesquely comical question presents itself, though the King of Kings may not be chuckling: is it possible to cram for Yom Kippur?! The answer, of course, is NO...far less conceivable than, say, covering an entire Modern European History reading list in 72 hours--which, after all, I witnessed many a sleep-deprived, undergraduate pull off when it came down to the wire. True teshuvah is about inner change, and that just doesn't come easily or quickly...no matter how much caffeine you consume between now and Yom Kippur. However, we can still put our minds and our hearts into doing teshuvah in the short time left to us, and that counts for something. Let's briefly review some fundamentals of the subject, with the guidance of one of our greatest living ethical teachers, Rav Shlomo Wolbe, shlita. In the second volume of his work, Alei Shor, Rav Wolbe begins his discussion of teshuvah with a crucial point: since teshuva literally means, "return," we first need to have a clear idea about what, or in this case, Whom, we're returning to. The first prerequisite for a meaningful Yom Kippur, in other words, is strengthening our recognition of Hashem; Rav Wolbe calls this, "the fundamental teshuva," for it comes prior to repenting for any individual sin, and is an obligation even for the very righteous individuals who don't have too many sins. Sounds obvious, but this "recognition" is not a mere intellectual admission; the Torah asks of us more than a flaccid "belief" in G-d. Rather, Hashem is to be a living reality--the living reality, in fact--in our thoughts, our decisions and our actions. Ideally, Rosh Hashana should play a large part in strengthening our faith as we approach Yom Kippur, helping us to internalize the knowledge of Hashem's absolute sovereignty. To reach a level of faith in G-d and Torah that is without doubts: as we say in Mussaf on Rosh Hashanah, Hashem's "Name is certainty, [and] such is His praise." As Rav Wolbe states, our emunah has to be certainty. Such certainty about G-d and Torah, Rav Wolbe writes, is crucial in awakening in us a true will (ratzon) to do teshuvah. In the deepest levels of our being, we have to want to be purified. This is the key to everything, for as our Sages teach us, nothing can stand in the way of a person's ratzon...and nothing will help if the ratzon is weak or non-existent. We must admit that it's all up to us, and not make excuses. If our attachment to Torah and service of G-d were strong and unyielding enough, we simply wouldn't come to sin! Rav Wolbe goes on to explain that doing teshuvah requres time--what we don't have much of right now. Nothing comes automatically in the service of G-d: yir'ah (awe of G-d) does not come automatically from learning Daf Yomi, or any other subject in Torah. One needs to set aside special time to learn mussar (ethical works), and to introspect about the state of one's soul. There are areas of one's personality that might be resisting the call to purity; it's not an overnight job to try to transform them...though our Sages do tell us that these 10 Days of Repentance, from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur, have an extraordinary power to help us along in our quest to come closer to G-d. As for the formal steps of the teshuvah process, Rav Wolbe lists four: forsaking one's sins (azivas hachayt), heartfelt regret (charatah) verbal confession (viduy), and resolutely adopting practices that will strengthen oneself in avoiding sin in the future (kabbalah l'habah). The first three are generally regarded as the classic elements of teshuvah. Strictly speaking, it is only confession that the Torah explicitly commands: "A man or a woman who commits any of man's sins...they shall confess the sin that they committed..." (Bamidbar 5: 6-7) However, as Rav Wolbe explains, a true viduy requires that one abandon the sin (the very first step), and feel charatah; they are the necessary basis for the verbal declaration of guilt. Without them, a million chest-pounding declarations of "Al Chet" amount to nothing. And even if one stops sinning, one still needs charatah to help effect a change in his sullied nature. Rav Wolbe reveals an important aid to attaining true charatah: the clear understanding that our true state is one of closeness to G-d. On the deepest level, our neshamos are connected to Hashem. Our souls knew that closeness to G-d before we began our earthly sojourns. The Torah and its mitzvos maintain and deepen that connection in the face of the earthly desires that tend to pull us away; in fact, the Torah sanctifies those very desires, bringing them into the domain of divine service--never squashing them outright, or ignoring them. With the right intention, and the guidance of halacha, every moment of life becomes part of avodas Hashem. Every time a person sins, however, a barrier is erected between him and Hashem. How can one not despair over such mechitzos, Rav Wolbe writes! And, moreover, one is likely to sin again, for as our Sages tell us, Avera goreres avera--One sin pulls along another. This is because each sin dulls the heart's sensitivity to holiness, making it less receptive to the call of Hashem. A spiritual coronary blockage, so to speak, or, timtum halev (dullness of the heart) in the Holy Tongue. To change the metaphor, sin makes a stain on the neshama. To really focus on this idea can help one feel true regret. The intensity of this regret, more than anything, determines the extent of the purification that we can receive on Yom Kippur. We can achieve tahara (purity) on Yom Kippur, a level beyond just being absolved from punishment. But we need a good measure of charatah, for besides its importance in guaranteeing a sincere verbal confession, charatah is the actual drug that lessens the blockage around the heart...that breaks down the machitzos. To go back to laundromat language, charatah is the detergent that gets the stains out of the soul, and Yom Kippur is the great spiritual wash-cycle. (Avinu Malkeinu, forgive me for using too many metaphors in describing the wondrous effects of Teshuvah and Yom Kippur!) "I've betrayed the hopes of my Father in Heaven, haven't lived up to the potential He gave me, haven't shown gratitude, in my actions, for the lovingkindness He constantly bestows on me. I've erected WALLS between myself and my closest Ally and Supporter." Personalizing sin in such a way--and focusing on the Avinu as much as the Malkeinu--might lead to true remorse more than the abstract thought of having "violated decrees of the King." And here's a scary thought to close with: many Jewish thinkers explain that the "fire of Hell (Gehinnom)" itself is this very same remorse--the regret of not having lived up to one's potential. May Hashem help us to feel that fire of remorse on this Yom Kippur, so we may be spared it in the future. And may Hashem help us to do all the steps of teshuva--azivas hachet, charata viduy and kabbalah l'habah--to the best of our ability, so we may come out of Yom Kippur both forgiven and purified, returned to our true state of closeness to G-d.
Rabbi Yosef Edelstein, Savannah Kollel. Phone: 355-0157; fax: 354-9923; e-mail address: Yosef18@aol.com Produced and distributed by the Ben Portman Computer facilites of the Savannah Kollel.
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