Rabbi Yaacov Haber's Torah Insights

A Thought for the Week

Mishpatim 5761

Rav Yisroel Salanter, the great master of spiritual growth, once said: "If I could give only one bit of advice to my students, I would tell them that whenever they meet someone new, no matter who it is, they should try to find at least one thing that they like about that person."

It's amazing that the founder of the Mussar movement, a movement which is still living and growing today, found this particular teaching the most fundamental and compelling advice he could give.

It is my understanding that the master of ethics and Torah behavior was pointing to a problem that in fact can lead, and to a certain extent has led, to the crumbling of society.

In this week's Parsha we find the verse "If you see the donkey of someone you hate crouching under its burden, would you refrain from helping him? You shall help him repeatedly."

The sages explain that the verse refers to someone evil, whom we are therefore permitted to hate. The Torah is presenting a real life dilemma. Suppose, while walking down the street or driving on the highway one chances upon two people that are stuck, a friend and an enemy, a good person and an evil one, both in the same predicament. One must skip over his righteous friend and offer assistance to the hated enemy! Why? Explains the Talmud, this is in order to subdue one's yetzer hara. The Torah has uncovered a deep phenomenon. When I see my enemy in trouble or pain, I derive a silent subconscious joy. A little voice inside me says 'He's getting what he deserves. Why interfere with G-d's justice? He is a sinner!" The Torah instructs us: Don't listen to that little voice. It is just the negativity within you that is speaking. Help the fellow out! 

Let's take it a step further. The verse refers to someone evil, whom it is permitted, and even a mitzvah, to hate. Where does the yetzer hara come into play if I'm doing a mitzvah? The answer is that even if there is a mitzvah to hate someone for what he or she has done wrong, it has to stop there. Human nature causes the hatefullness to spread upon our perception victim until we can find nothing good about that person. Everyone has at least one redeeming factor, but we can't find it! Once you don't like someone, that person can do no right. They walk wrong, they talk wrong, even the way they  tilt their hat gets on your nerves. A little bit of justified hate can bring with it ten times as much causeless hate. This is the hate that the Torah deems as unacceptable. This is the hate that destroyed Jerusalem.

This was behind the advice of Reb Yisroel. Don't let people cancel themselves out. Look at the whole picture. And remember, there is always something good to see. Let the good overtake you instead of the negativity that loves to spread. 

We see so many problems. There are problems with families, problems at work, problems in the community. There are partisan problems in Israel, which have gotten way out of hand. We have developed an 'us and them' mentality where our right hand is competing against our left. 

Imagine how much different things would be if we would try to notice one new nice thing about our spouse, our children or our parents every day. Think about how the household would change if we would compliment our spouses, children and acquaintances at least once a day. And it need not be bogus, for we will certainly find something genuine to compliment them about, if only we take the trouble to look. Imagine how much better we would feel if we would focus on the positive instead of the negative in people. Imagine how much different Klal Yisroel would look if even as we recognized evil, we refrained from letting that evil define the person.

An exercise: think of the person you dislike the most in this world, and remind yourself why you hate him or her (if you can remember).  Now think of something, anything, nice about that person. If you can, tell them about it. You have just lifted a heavy weight from your heart - when you let go of anger and hate, you actually feel a lightness of spirit. You have just fulfilled a mitzvah in our Parsha. You have just made a fundamental change in your Neshama. 

I was very moved by an email report I received from Shoshanah Selavan who lives in the Old City of Jerusalem. I'd like to share it with you.  

"On Feb. 14, 2001, as 3 Jewish girls fought for their lives after a Gazan bus driver deliberately struck them killing 8 others, another young woman, Chamutal, is involved in another type of battle. When Chamutal was 13, she was critically injured in a similar attack in Jerusalem's Kiryat HaYovel neighborhood. A group of girls from the Jewish Quarter were waiting by a bus stop when a Gazan Arab plowed his car into them. Chamutal suffered multiple injuries necessitating numerous operations over the years. Yesterday, Chamutal was the doctor on call at Kaplan Hospital in Rechovot. And she was in the operating room, saving the life of the terrorist bus driver. I am overcome with emotion as her parents, my neighbors, share this with me. Her ability to overcome her past experiences and participate in the surgery shows a tremendous amount of strength. It is too easy to perpetuate past grievances to justify inhumane behavior.

"The Jews, as depicted by Chamutal, represent the human side of the conflict. I don't know why fate put Chamutal, a terror victim, in that operating room to operate on a terrorist. But I can visualize her looking into this murderer's eyes screaming: 'Am Yisrael Chai! We are here. You and your cohorts will try through the generations to destroy us, but we will remain and retain our humanity. Despite the pressure of world leaders, and despite the lies being perpetuated by the world press, and despite the self-haters amongst us, we will not only survive, but will be strengthened. AM YISRAEL CHAI!'"

Rabbi Yaacov Haber

Rabbi Haber is the OU's National Director of Jewish Education and the spiritual leader of the OU's Pardes Program