January 30, 2004

An International Singles Program

President Bush will ask Congress for one and one half billion dollars to promote marriage in the United States. Far too many Americans no longer believe marriage necessary, and the numbers marrying are on a downtrend. The national birthrate is declining.

The fact that marriage in the United States needs a boost is disturbing, but why should I be concerned with the state of marriage and universal depopulation in this country? Isaiah articulated the Torah perspectives: “He created it not a waste, He formed it to be inhabited.” (45:18) The Rabbis in the Talmud deduced that, “The world was created but for being fruitful and multiply” (see Hagiga 2B, Gitin 41A, et al). And there is another reason why I find the downtrend disturbing. Societal behavior in America directly impacts Jews everywhere. Through television, motion pictures, magazines and newspapers, its values influence the world’s values. Marriage among Jews continues to decline in numbers that are unprecedented in the annals of Jewish history. More Jews must marry, not just to raise Jewish demography, but to create the homes necessary for Jewish fulfillment.

There are those who refuse to marry but there are many more Jews of all ages who would love to marry, but struggle to find a partner. In the Orthodox community, a number of wonderful groups and individuals are committed to Jewish matchmaking. Whether you agree or not with their methods, they deserve commendation and support. But their efforts are not enough. There is not a committed Jew free of the responsibility to help facilitate financially, and personally, this mitzvah.

And please don’t list for me the many singles programs under the auspices of Jewish social agencies and institutions. Their intent is to provide a service for diverse groups in the Jewish community. They offer programs for teen-agers, collegiates, young couples, new Americans, seniors and other singles. All this programming for various affinity groups has little to do with marriage. I don’t disavow the value of programming—it is important for many to meet in a conducive environment, but singles’ activities should not be laden with “activities.” They should be geared in a sensitive way for participants to meet. Networking and objective introductions are what are needed.

In my many years as a rabbi in Memphis, Tennessee, I developed a national singles weekend there. Jews from different parts of the country experienced the warmth of a community that opened its homes to varied types of individuals. In the course of those years, I saw more than one hundred couples marry after meeting their spouse-to-be at our events. My wife and I moved to New York to be close to our children, and I became the Rabbi of the West Side Institutional Synagogue. This synagogue in the heart of Manhattan has became fully committed to servicing the needs of the large Jewish single population there. The Upper West Side is home to the largest number of Jewish singles in the world. We’ve created a program called Ahuvim, (loved ones) and though relatively young, we have already witnessed marriages as a result of our efforts.

On March 5th, 6th, 7th—Purim weekend—our Ahuvim program will host an International Singles Weekend Celebration, a wonderful time for Jews to meet Jews. An often heard and justifiable complaint about Jewish, and specifically Orthodox, singles events is that the same faces reappear. We expect this weekend to be different. Participants will be coming from many different parts of the United States, and from other countries as well. It is a difficult task to organize and facilitate. New York is not a small community in the South, but WSIS has many of the makings of a warm, caring, and open Jewish community. We will have time for laughter and Purim joy, for great food and entertainment, and exciting programs, but we will also offer a private and confidential service to all participants. We will have a group of introduction counselors, not shadchanim, but volunteers who will offer advice and inclusion into our new networking program.

My readers know that my uppermost concern is with Israel, and the marriage crisis among Jews is second to Israel’s need for security and stability. But Israel’s survival depends on Jews. Israel without Jewish homes in its land and in the Diaspora will face dire consequences. If the President of the United States considers the diminishing numbers marrying a national crisis, then Jews, who experienced the destruction of one third of our people in the Holocaust, the assimilation of millions in the post-Holocaust years, and the calamity of ongoing terrorism, cannot sit idly by without helping the many wonderful men and women who would gladly marry if they could only meet an appropriate partner.

Please feel free to call my office for additional information about the Purim weekend. We welcome help from everyone in the Jewish community: 212-877-7652.

Shabbat Shalom