Just Dreaming

By Rabbi Yoel Schonfeld

The Orthodox Community is thank G-d a growing community. With growth comes influence, prominence, power - and problems. These problems relate to our core values as we struggle to be a community dedicated to ethics, family and society while at the same time committed faithfully to spirit of the Torah. This balance is not always easy to maintain. Indeed, I am afraid that we find ourselves all to often not meeting the task.

On the ethical front, the headlines tell the story. How often have we cringed over the years upon reading of Orthodox Jews accused and convicted of fiscal improprieties. How many non-reported stories are we personally familiar with of otherwise Torah observant Jews who conduct their business affairs while sacrificing basic principles of integrity?

On the familial and societal front it is true that Orthodox Jewry is unsurpassed in its devotion to family and society about us. The relative wholesomeness of the Orthodox family and the commitment to an endless list of charitable causes is rivaled by no other society in the world. Yet herein lies the problem. The average Orthodox parent is being robbed of precious time and resources at the expense of their family due to these obligations.

Tragically, the price we are paying for this neglect is becoming all too apparent. “Children at risk” is a phenomenon that is a direct outgrowth of our commitments outside the family. The social and financial burden that we have placed upon ourselves has become crushing.

Big, bigger and biggest seems to be the modus operendi of the way we do things. Nothing is simple; nothing is left to the imagination. Every celebration is huge, every party lavish. Rashi in his commentary on the Gemara Shabbos (29B) describes Tznuim - the modest ones - as those who shun activities, which draw attention upon themselves. Tznuit, then, is increasingly a rare commodity in our community.

Allow me to indulge in a whimsical wish list of what can be done to confront these and a whole array of issues that plague us. We must change the way we conduct our affairs as a society. We need an earthquake. I may be guilty of simply wasting more precious time with my fantasies, but who knows… every undertaking begins with a dream.

So here goes. The Jewish world according to me:

Chinuch/Education

1) Choshen Misphat (Code of Laws dealing with monetary Halacha) must be taught at every level of schooling. To date it is not in any Yeshiva curriculum. There are available practical digests of these laws, which can be adapted as a syllabus for even the earliest grades.

The Midrash and Talmud are replete with anecdotal illustrations of the importance of integrity. These halachot and fables should become just as familiar to Yeshiva students as are the halachot of Shabbos and the stories of Torah giants.

2) No smoking allowed by students or faculty on Yeshiva premises. This is the rule in any restaurant in New York, why can’t our Yeshivos have the same environment? The sight of Yeshiva persons smoking is unseemly. We should expect better of those who are cast as our role models. Not to mention the health issues involved.

3) Secular education to be taken seriously. Amount of time spent is not nearly as important as seriousness attached to the subject. Mocking these topics creates a cynical attitude which permeates the student’s mind. Isn’t biology the study of Hashem creation? What about Jewish History? It is non-existant as a topic in any Yeshiva. Why?

Society

4) Organizational dinners are a necessary evil demanding precious time and money. The extensive list of organization and invitees has made almost every Orthodox Jew dread opening hir/her mail. Cut out unnecessary reception. Not every dinner need be held in lavish hotels. We haven’t mentioned parlor meetings. (I know it takes courage for the OU to print this - or is Chutzpah the word?)

5) Weddings. Here too lavish smorgasbord unnecessary waste of time and money. Entire wedding should take four and a half hours (6:30 - 11:00pm). No need for one hour wait for Chassan and Kallah to appear following Chupah. Even if joint pictures are not taken before Chupah no need for such delay. Why 45 minute dances? In truth, the pace of the wedding is not up to the caterer, the photographer or the band; it is up to the parents of the bride and groom. No guest will complain that the wedding ended early.

6) Vorts! Why is this new custom of a mini wedding necessary?! What happened to simple L’Chaim celebrated by immediate family only? Save the rest for the shower and Aufruf.

7) Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Many have gotten out of hand. A 9:00am to 3:00pm affair on a legal holiday is not uncommon but unforgivable. No reason a Bar/Bat Mitzvah can’t take three hours total and be a wonderful and meaningful experience. Cut out the sports themes, which demean the whole occasion.

8) Funerals: A touchy subject I know. But is it really Kavod Hamais to go beyond a total of an hour of Hespedim (eulogies)?

Davening - prayer

9) Talking during davening is probably our greatest bane and cuts across as the strata of Orthodoxy. The disdain we show for Hashem while we are supposed to be communicating with Him is the root cause for most of the other evils affecting us. I have no successful solutions to this problem, but it must be dealt with forcefully. Rabbis alone cannot control the situation. Baalei Batim from the grassroots must take charge as well.

10) Hafsakot - interruption during the reading of the Torah. On an average Shabbat there are supposed to be seven Aliyot to the Torah. Not seventeen. No matter what the occasion, there is no reason to disrupt and thereby degrade the Torah reading unnecessarily. An additional Acharon may be understandable. Surely Uncle Mendel who came in all the way the way from Boston will understand if he is honored with opening the Aron Hakodesh instead of an Aliyah. Trust me, with a little strategic planning it can all be worked out. The other two hundred people in Shul will be truly grateful and the real honoree will be the Torah itself.

11) Kiddush Clubs. This is a cancer in our midst. Like that dreaded disease it affects countless others and no absolute cure exists. The need to bring this to a halt is obvious. The Haftorah is not chopped liver.

Shidduchim - Singles

12) Treat the topic of singles like the crisis it is. This is a plague affecting all segments of Orthodoxy and threatens our very continuity. Synagogues and organizations must put this on the front burner. Singles themselves must change attitudes. Women must put marriage before career. Men must consider the woman as a valued helpmate not just as a means of advancing their own life goals, be it career or learning. There is more to a human beings worth other than their money or looks.

Batei Din

13) Bet Din Peer Review. One of the greatest causes of Chilul Hashem and anguish for countless individuals is the ineptness and occasional corruption found in too many Batei Din. It is on a Bet Din after all that one rightfully expects to see the greatness of Torah at work. A super agency comprised of respected Rabbanim from across the spectrum of Orthodoxy should serve as an independent clearinghouse to receive and investigate complaints of ineptitude of the accused Batei Din. Their findings should be made available to the litigants.

14) Agunot. Obviously the solution to this awful situation is extremely complex. As a result numerous charlatons have risen to the occasion only to make matters worse. Nonetheless we must lose sleep over this situation until some halachich valid remedy is found. Here too the grassroots must be organized to ostracize the recalcitrant spouse. Right now they swim too comfortably in our midst.

I’m sure many of you have your own wish list. Perhaps you disagree with some of my assessments. Perhaps you feel the list is too short. But it’s far better than remaining listless.

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