Purim with Dr. Suess

by | in Poetry

By Naomi Wolf

Queen Begs…and Bam! (Or Vashti’s Lament)

I will not come before the king

I will not come for anything!

 

Would you, could you in a coach?

His majesty you must approach.

crown

I would not, could not in a coach,

His majesty I won’t approach!

I will not come before the king.

I will not come for anything!

 

With a tail! With a tail!

Would you, could you with a tail?

 

I would not, could not with a tail!

Not on a carpet, not in a pail!

I will not come, so please don’t fret,

I will not come on a jumbo jet!

Not on a horse, not in a coach

His majesty I won’t approach

I will not come before the king.

I will not come for anything!

Say! With a crowd!

 

Would you, could you with a crowd?

city

I would not, could not with a crowd,

These pimples do not make me proud.

I would not, could not with a tail,

I will not, will not in a pail.

Not in a jet, so please don’t fret

Not in a coach.

I won’t approach.

I will not come before the king.

I will not come for anything!

 

The Cat in the Hat (or The Sinister Prime Minister)

Bow to me!

Bow to me!

Bow to me now!

It is fun to have fun,

But you have to know how!

With my nose in the air

And my hat on my head,hat

I will sit on my horse

As I’m being led.

An idol I’ll hang;

They’ll bow to that too.

There’s nothing, no nothing

That I cannot do!

The king’s crown I’ll swing

From my wee little toe,

And the people will cheer

Wherever I go!

With a pen in my hand

I will write a decree

That someday at last

From the Jews I’ll be free.

And look!

With my hammer

I can build gallows so tall,

But that is not all!

Oh no! That is not all…

megillah

That is what Haman said.

Then he fell on his head.

He came down with a crash

As he gave his last call,

And the people of Shushan said,

“Oh, what a fall!”

 

Haman and Sons, Will You Please Go Now?

The time has come.

The time is now.

Haman and sons,

Will you please go now?

 

You can go by gallows.

You can go by sword.

You can go by poisonous

Buck-buck board.

You can go with a spear

2,000 feet high,

Or hold on to the legs

Of a cockroach-fly.

You can drown yourselves

In hamantash dough.

I don’t care how

Just go, go, go!

gallows

Befriend a lion,

Ride on a whale,

Or wrap yourself

In a tiger’s tail.

Slide down Mt. Everest

With backwards skis.

It doesn’t matter how,

Just please go, please!

 

If you’d like you can

Pose as a bowling pin,

Or jump in a cement truck

And take a spin.

Or go to Madrid

And fight a cow.

HAMAN AND SONS,

WILL YOU PLEASE GO NOW!

I SAID GO, AND GO I MEANT!

 

The time had come,

And so they went!

 

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!shushan

Today is your day.

You’re off to high places!

You’re off and away!

You’re ready to start

With your goblet in hand,

You’re glad that you came;

The king’s party is grand!

Up there things can happen

And frequently do,

To people as classy

And snazzy as you.

kids

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You are on your way up!

You’re the best of the best!

And after this party,

You’ll top all the rest!

Except when you don’t.

Because sometimes you won’t.

I’m sorry to say,

But sadly it’s true.

You ought to have listened

To Mordechai the Jew.

 

He warned you not to go.

He warned you not to eat.

But you snuck out of shul

And beat a hasty retreat.

But back you will go now,

To cry and to pray.

Back you will go now,

For many a day.

Back you will go now,

And viduy you’ll say,horse

Though the sackcloth does itch

And your legs are like clay.

You’ll cry to Hashem

You’ll beg and you’ll weep

You’ll daven all day

And into your sleep!

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(Always 100% guaranteed!)

 

Chabibi! Hashem will move mountains for you!

So…

Be your name Goldberg or Cohen

Or Friedman or Schwartz,

Remember to listen

To your chachamim, of course.

Then you’ll be safe from your enemies

And blessed from the Source!

 

Hop on Top (Until You Plop!)

WISH DISH

I wish for dish.

I wish for dish at Esther’s tish.

 

SMELL SMELL

What is that smell?

Haman must not be feeling well.

 

HALF HALF

You must take half.

Esther, my queen,

Oh, please take half.

 

HALF LAUGH

Don’t make me laugh.

Don’t make me laugh.

I don’t need half!

 

LIFE WIFE

Please save my life!

Save my life!

I am your wife!

 

QUEEN GREEN

The queen looks green.

NAOMI ILLUSTRATION FINAL

QUEEN MEAN

What does she mean?

 

MAN MAN

A bad, bad man

 

MAN PLAN

A bad, bad plan

Stop, bad man!

Stop that plan!

THERE THERE

He’s over there!

 

THERE FEAR

He’s hunched in fear!

There he’s hunched in fear, my dear.

 

BANG HANG RANG SANG

The king went bang.

Bang bang bang…

“Haman hang!”

The order rang.

The order rang,

And…The Jews all sang!

 

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…

HASHEM MEANT WHAT HE SAID

AND HE SAID WHAT HE MEANT,

AND HASHEM’S ALWAYS FAITHFUL

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!

© Naomi Wolf 2012

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