Why do so many self-help programs fail? And why do you think there has been such an explosion in the self help industry in the last few years? When you think of Judaism do you think more of Jewish rituals or ethical teachings?

Most programs fail because there is too much information, and no clear path to follow. In turn, by having nobody to turn to when the process gets boring, and tough people drop it. Self help programs rely on a persons perseverence, stamina, needs and desires. The person needs to stay focused on the vision of what they want to become, and to actuallize this mental image requires fortitude, and friends.  Self help is a good start, but needs to lead to connections after that start is accomplished.

Regarding why the boom in self help programs the answer has many perspectives and reasons it. My top two are:
1.  that people don’t like themselves, and truly believe that they can be different.
2.  that people are too embarassed to admit that they don’t know something therefore they refrain from meeting others with the same issues. A self help program offers them that second chance in the privacy of their own home. (Somewhat joking, but perhaps true, given the quantity of self help books lining book stores and internet based programs, it seems that people don’t like much about themselves regarding many things because there appears to be a self help book for every nuance of the human condition--adding to the self help money making programs that have existed for years).

First thoughts of Judiam are rituals. It appears that in conventional bookstores regarding ethical teachings the information out there usually takes a political, or agenda based flavor.

SGB makes a good point that “ people are too embarassed to admit that they don’t know something therefore they refrain from meeting others with the same issues”. This reluctancy may be compounded in communities were people know each other, although there are some support groups even there as well.

I would also add a lack of flexibility. For example, assuming one knows of an author who wrote a book titled “Ten Steps Towards Success”, I think that the reader is better off seeing if the author has something worthwhile to say and then modifying it as necessary, rather than saying, “I need to follow steps 4, 5, 6”.

As far as the role of Judaisim in self-growth and happiness, one needs to be able to “mine” the ethical teaching of the Torah, Talmud and later teachings and give life to “dry” actions, and personalize them, to achieve some of the benefits that the self-help movement aims for. That’s one goal that mussar and/or chassidic teachings can accomplish. However even after reading such insights, one needs to customize them.

I think the problem is that self-help seeks to give me the tools to be the person I want to be.

Torah is written in terms of how to be the person Hashem wants me to be.

This is the primary distinction I would draw between self-help (even self-help that draws its advice from Torah sources) and Mussar. Mussar might use the very same tools as self-help, but the goal is to become holy (as defined by our Mesorah). Less defined by the means, and more attention to the ends.

-micha

Basicly they focus on theory more ... and after you leave the program you also leave the theory and get back to what you were doing first.

a.a - 18 November 2007 11:42 PM

Basicly they focus on theory more ... and after you leave the program you also leave the theory and get back to what you were doing first.

Yeah, practice is the most important thing in human change. You have to do a new thing 100 times until you get to do it right and 1000 times until it becomes part of you.

Hi Rabbi Gruman,

1. Self-help failing

In reference to religious self-help books, there is no efficacy data about of which I’m aware. I can familiarize myself with psychological self-help.

The research on self-help programs for psychological disorders is mixed. There is some support that they do work for certain problems (phobias, some mild affective disorders [depression]). Minimal assistance by psychologists in bibliotherapy did not improve success rates over bibliotherapy alone (Scogin et. al 1990 ) when compared to no treatment. Others found small to medium effects for treating alcoholism (Apocada & Miller, 2003). However, there have been precious few studies comparing self-help (aka bibliotherapy) to actual psychotherapy. I’d be happy to provide resources on the research to you.

Problems with commercially available self-help materials include their not being studied and tested enough and that they are not commonly used in therapy. One book that has been used for years is Alberti and Emmons’ (2001) Your Perfect Right (8th edition, 1970 1st ed).

As with any treatment, the current level of motivation to change, coupled with ongoing reinforcing successes are key to change. Much of (effective) psychotherapy involves motivational interviewing, which helps the client progress through stages that lead up to actual behavioral change and maintaining the motivation. Self-help books would do well to study this approach by Miller & Rolnick (2nd edition 2002, first one in 1970’s), first applied to treatment of alcohol and smoking cessation.

The same may apply to religious help. There is no scientific data on “what helps your bochrim/congregants become ‘better’ Yidden.” I’m sure countless rabbis have tried countless approaches for countless problems. What would be helpful is actually measuring one of two things, a) the rabbi’s own retrospective impressions and b) informal data collection by rabbis themselves.  One could survey rabbis at conferences, conventions, yeshivot, and other gatherings to get their opinions. For informal data collection, keeping brief, confidential notes of the problem, suggestion/advice/counseling given, and follow up of a few months later.

2. Explosion of self help

There is still stigma in going to psychotherapy, religious ‘confession,’ and rabbinical council. “What will the rabbi think of me when he sees me in shul this Shabbat?” runs through congregants’ minds. Embarrassment is a primary issues here. Take for example, an issue faced by many, if not all kallot with eday b’dika for niddah, a problem which does not necessarily lessen with time. Some women may be embarrassed by the rabbi seeing the cloth, which may lead them to make erroneous judgments based on their own embarrassment instead of halachic knowledge.

Additionally, there are many people who know that the public is gullible, and they market their own brand of self “help” that has no guarantee of helping them.  Anyone can write a book and use the titles such as, therapist, counselor, or coach; these are not legally bound terms. 

3. When you think of Judaism do you think more of Jewish rituals or ethical teachings?

Personally I think of Judaism as both, subscribing to R’ Hirsch and R’ Soloveitchik’s teachings about interweaving the two. Rituals connect us with the theophany at Har Sinai, serve to connect us with our shared past. They are the reasons in behind ethical teachings, giving them credence and a bond to the Divine. Similar ethical teachings can be found in the Code of Hammurabi

The ethical teachings, which serve as philosophical intellectual stimulation and as guides for our behavior become meaningless and rote without the symbolic attachment to a religious experience, the emotional content of religious spiritual life. Therein lies the error in *stereotypical* yeshivish (too intellectual, lacking emotional connection) and Chassidish (too emotional, lacking intellectual comprehension) life. Rituals without ethical teaching AND practice are meaningless things we do in shul or with a sefer, which have no bearing on the time spent away from such venues.

Kol Tuv and Shabbat Shalom,
Daniyel H from CTE

ps--feel free to contact me for further discussion.

I believe that people don’t apply what they learn and that is how it is useles what they learn.