Abstinence - It’s Not Just for Single People

The Torah doesn't consider sex dirty. The very first mitzva in the Torah is "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). The Torah even recognizes that women have needs and it gives them conjugal rights that the husband is expected to meet (Exodus 21:10). But, just as Hashem has set limits on with whom one may have intimate relations, He has also set limits on when.

The Torah doesn't expect only single people to wait - even married people must abstain on certain occasions. Aside from days such as Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av (when marital relations are forbidden in addition to activities such as eating and drinking), couples abstain from relations almost half the month. The couple is abstinent for the duration of the woman's period, and for "seven clean days" after (typically around 12 days total). During this time, the couple not only refrains from intercourse, but from other affectionate activities such as hugging and kissing (just like single people). At the end of this "niddah" period, the woman attends a mikvah (ritual bath) and the couple can resume sexual activity.

This practice is called, of all things, taharas hamishpacha, or "family purity." In many ways, keeping the laws of taharas hamishpacha brings a couple closer together. They learn to appreciate one another more and to interact on a level without the sexual aspect. In some ways, it's like Shabbos. Shabbos can be difficult for a beginner, who may view it as a burden or as a series of "can'ts." People who have "mastered" Shabbos enjoy it as a break from the everyday world and a way to grow closer to their families and to G-d. Similarly, taharas hamishpacha, while no doubt challenging at first, is an opportunity for a couple to grow in their relationship with each other and with G-d.

1 of 1

Next entry: The Advanced Course: Prishus

Previous entry: Yichud: Don't Go it Alone